Being Postpartum is an extremely difficult season. Here's why.

After having my first child, I remember thinking “Don’t let anybody know how much I’m struggling… I’m supposed to be enjoying every minute of this like everyone else seems to.” The love I felt for my son was truly overwhelming but the truth is, the thoughts of something terrible happening to him had me so scared that I could hardly enjoy life. A beautiful friend of mine tried telling me “hey I think you might have some postpartum anxiety,” but I wasn’t in a place to listen. In hindsight, she was absolutely right.

While my second experience being postpartum still has many of the same challenges, I’m in a much better place mentally and physically. Again, yoga, meditation, and therapy are to thank for this positive change. Now, I’m able to be present and see clearly what a difficult time having a newborn is and how it should be talked about more often. From body trauma to hormonal changes and exhaustion, I have been through major changes. Without a doubt, being postpartum is an extremely difficult season. Here's why.

Body Trauma

Me after delivering my baby girl... Gooch ice packs to the rescue!

Fortunately, I had an extremely smooth delivery with both of my babies. Some women aren’t so lucky in their deliveries. In fact, up to 45% of new moms experience birth trauma.1 Whether the experience didn’t go as planned, the baby needed medical attention after birth, you didn’t receive the care or support you expected from the hospital staff, etc., your feelings are valid. 

Even with my smooth deliveries, I still felt as though I’d been rode hard and put away wet. The pain of contractions and childbirth is one that, in my opinion, has no comparison. I opted for an epidural at around 7cm with both babies. 

My doctor decided an episiotomy was the right decision with my first delivery, and I tore a small amount with my second. Both times, I required stitches downtown. Hence, peeing, pooping, wiping, sitting, and so forth were quite painful for a solid couple weeks after delivery. Whoever invented those magnificent gooch ice packs deserves an award.

For several weeks after delivery, there’s the postpartum bleeding, or lochia. As the uterus is healing and returning to its normal shape and size, it sheds blood, mucous, and tissue. Most women bleed between 4 and 6 weeks, but it can last up to 12 weeks.2  For me, this bleeding lasted around 6 weeks both times. It wasn’t just spotting either… It was a good amount of blood that required frequent pad changes.

The combination of a healing wound, bleeding, and pads measured up to some not so savory body odors. I don’t know about you, but when I smell funky, it affects my psyche. Even with daily showers, I still wasn’t quite right for the first month.

Breastfeeding and Stank BO

Breastfeeding my beautiful baby girl is one of my favorite things. Staring into her eyes while we both release oxytocin is intoxicating. It was one of my favorite things with my son, too. However, it has its difficulties.

Being up every few hours at night to feed the baby is exhausting. My peacefully sleeping husband has been on the receiving end of many death stares at 12AM, 3AM, and 5AM. ;) Being in public and feeding my girl while fearing someone has the audacity to say something negative (even though I’m completely covered) is stressful. Pumping and having to clean all the parts is frustrating. My cracked nipples were painful in the beginning – they’re nice and calloused now, though.

I never struggled with my supply with my firstborn. However, several times now with my daughter, I’ve had to supplement with formula or pumped milk for her last feed of the evening. I’m assuming it’s a combination of stress and exhaustion. Either way, the mom guilt kicks in. There’s such a stigma around bottlefeeding. “Breast is best” we always hear. As if we’re not going through enough as new moms. 

Another fun aspect of breastfeeding is the different, much more potent, body odor, usually while actively feeding her. Apparently, this newfound stank is to help the baby recognize my presence. Neither my son nor daughter had issues latching, though, so is this smell really necessary? ;)

Exhaustion

Contractions with my son started at around 7PM and he was born at 8:51AM the next morning. I was laboring through the night. By the time I was able to sleep again, I had been awake for over 36 hours. Then the cluster feeding began. 

Fortunately, labor with my daughter didn’t start until around 4:30AM, so I had been sleeping for several hours. Still, those first few nights of having a brand new baby – and a tore up body – are tough! And that’s just the first few nights.

A typical newborn eats every 2-3 hours until they are around 2 months of age. That’s over 56 days of surviving on extremely broken sleep. For context, adults need a minimum of 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep for optimal health. Somehow my brain has adapted to this lack of sleep, but it definitely gets to me some days. I’ve literally fallen asleep sitting upright during a feed sesh. 

“Sleep when the baby sleeps” is something we hear all the time, but even when I only had one baby, I wasn’t able to do so. How am I going to sleep when I need to eat, shower, take care of chores, and everything else?! Then, with a 5 year old AND a newborn, forget it. Sleep is a distant memory for now.

My DIY attempt at stopping the ear drainage...

Weakened Immune System

Due to birth recovery, sleep deprivation, stress levels, and worry, the immune system takes a punch. At around 5 weeks postpartum, I had a HORRIBLE ear infection. I’m talkin’ nonstop draining bloody fluid out of my ear and immense headache degree of horrible. I immediately started using antibiotic drops prescribed by a doctor. After 4 days of those and no relief, I was prescribed Amoxicillin. It took around 14 days for me to get my hearing back in my right ear. 

Not only was I in terrible pain – as in, counting down the minutes until I could take more ibuprofen or acetaminophen– my milk supply dropped due to my exhaustion and loss of appetite. Longest couple of weeks of my life… And I’m including the final month of pregnancy when I say that. ;)

Hormonal Changes

During pregnancy, the body produces a lot more estrogen and progesterone… Within just a few days after delivery, our hormones return to their baseline. “This rapid drop in hormone levels is the biggest hormone change in the shortest timespan any human ever experiences. It’s faster than puberty, menopause, or any other big change you can think of.” 3

No wonder I was crying one minute and overflowing with joy the next! Getting home with our firstborn in 2018, I remember holding him and sobbing… I loved this little boy with every fiber of my being. I was happy, tired, terrified, and basically every emotion of the rainbow. With our daughter, I stared at her and cried in the backseat as I thought “we’re bringing a whole new human home… and we still have a 5 year old to care for.” 

The hormonal shift is crazy and can lead to all kinds of feelings. With our son, I judged myself for having any negative feelings or thoughts. I have the rapid hormonal shift this time around, too, but now I know all the feelings are perfectly normal and to be expected. 

Intrusive Thoughts

Our son’s first home was an apartment on the second floor. The thought “What if I dropped him down the stairs?” frequently popped into my head. Often, thoughts of dropping him or somehow hurting him crossed my mind. At that time, I felt crazy pants… What the hell is wrong with me and why am I thinking this way?

It turns out,  “at least 70 percent of moms have unwanted, intrusive thoughts about something happening to their baby accidentally or intentionally.”4 You know what increases the frequency of unwanted thoughts? Sleep deprivation. It's the perfect storm!  

While I still have the occasional horrible thoughts with my daughter – this time, it’s often the thought of forgetting her in the hot car – they’re not nearly as frightening this go around. I’m aware now that they are normal, common, and just bonkers thoughts my sleep deprived brain has come up with. As a much more present and mindful mother this time around, I let the scary thoughts go much easier. After all, we are not our thoughts. 

Conclusion

Everything about childbirth is difficult. From pregnancy to postpartum, there are struggles. Yes, it is wonderfully beautiful and extremely worth it, but it is not easy. Our bodies and minds are completely different postpartum… From giving birth, functioning on very little sleep, to caring for a new sweet babe, becoming a new mom forever changes a person. Check in on your new mom friends – we need all the love and support we can get.

Find additional support, check out Postpartum Support International (PSI) at https://www.postpartum.net/ or call 1-800-944-4773. 

Resources

1. https://www.marchofdimes.org/find-support/topics/postpartum/toll-birth-trauma-your-health#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20National%20Institutes,long%20after%20the%20birth%20itself.&text=There%20are%20many%20factors%E2%80%94both,was%20not%20what%20you%20hoped

2. https://www.nct.org.uk/life-parent/your-body-after-birth/bleeding-after-birth-10-things-you-need-know#:~:text=2.-,Bleeding%20after%20birth%20may%20last%20for%20a%20while,colour%20and%20flow%20over%20time%20.

3. https://www.drneilspiegel.com/blog/everything-no-one-told-you-about-your-hormones-postpartum

4. https://www.lancastergeneralhealth.org/health-hub-home/motherhood/fourth-trimester/intrusive-thoughts-after-giving-birth#:~:text=Is%20it%20Normal%20to%20Have,any%20less%20scary%20or%20serious.