Parenting in a Political Climate ain't Easy

The Load of it All

Parenting today is heavy. As if conscious parenting and breaking cycles weren’t enough, we’re also facing unprecedented (and terrifying) times in the USA. Every generation has faced difficult periods, but the last year has proven to be a whole new ballgame. It feels like every day there is breaking news – the federal government kidnapping and murdering people in the street; another school shooting; climate disasters; blatant racism, sexism, and misogyny; book bans; political assassinations; genocide; general unrest amongst our citizens… 

What the f*ck, America? I’m just out here doing my best trying to raise kind, empathetic humans. Why you gotta add “fight fascism” to my to-do list? 

We’ve been told that being “woke” is somehow a left-wing extremist point of view. As if wanting access to healthcare, affordable groceries, clean air and water, and freedom from the never-ending gun violence for myself & OTHERS in this country are outlandish views. As if. You will not convince me to raise my children into adults that ignore social injustice. Is “being asleep” somehow better?

We have access to so much information and it can feel totally overwhelming… Especially knowing that my children (the tiny humans I grew from scratch inside my body and love more than I ever thought possible) have to grow up in this society. How can I balance staying present for them, while also standing up for my convictions and fighting for a more just world?

Why It’s So Hard

I want to stay informed and I want to be a beacon of light for others, but I’m also exhausted. I have a 7-year old who is easily scared and a 2-year old at home. Between the two of them, sleep isn’t always reliable.

I want to be out in the streets and raising awareness every weekend, but dinner has to be planned and my son’s soccer game is at 6. I want to donate to causes I feel passionate about, but that Costco trip set us back over $300. I want to raise my children to stand up and have empathy for those that don’t look or talk or think like us, but I also want to protect them from being exposed to too much at a young age. 

On top of all these conflicting desires comes the guilt from feeling like I’m simply not doing enough – not doing enough for my children and not doing enough for social causes. The weight of all this pressure as a mom of young children is suffocating and sometimes it feels easier to simply check out. I have definitely taken breaks from the outside world… But knowing that one day I will explain to my grandchildren where I stood during this tumultuous time reminds me to check back in. 

All that being said, parenting in a political climate is difficult and demanding. Here are a few ways I show up for my children and my values without burning out.

I Start with the Breath

Studies on deep breathing exercises have proven over and over again to alleviate anxiety and help you feel more grounded by activating the parasympathetic nervous system. When I find myself scrolling, spiraling, and snapping at my loved ones, I know it’s time to take a step back and connect to my breath. 

Obvi, my favorite form of mind/body/breath connection is yoga. Even just 15-20 minutes on my mat leaves me feeling more relaxed and connected to myself. Adriene Mishler, Charlie Follows, Divya Bala, and Satvic Yoga are a few of my favorite YouTube yoga channels.

If yoga isn’t an option, a favorite breathing exercise of mine is the 4-7-8 method. With this method, you inhale through your nose for a count of 4, hold the breath for a count of 7, and exhale through your mouth for a count of 8. This exercise is a wonderful tool to help calm the body and mind (and helps me fall asleep at night, too). Here is a link to a great guided version of this breathing exercise.  

Another wonderful breathing exercise is alternate nostril breathing. This practice requires a little more focus, so you’re less likely to get consumed by thoughts. Basically, you inhale and exhale completely through one nostril at a time. Here is a short guided meditation using this style.   

I Limit my Media Intake

Aside from breathing exercises, I try to be really mindful about setting boundaries surrounding my media intake. I read Heather Cox Richardson’s newsletters most days – she is an American Historian and I love her method of comparing what’s happening today to what has happened in the past. Other than that, I don’t read any other news or even watch it for that matter. It’s mostly bad and it stresses me out. 

As far as social media goes, I set app limits in my phone settings to notify me when I’ve hit 45 minutes. Do I ignore it a lot of times? Definitely. ;) But it still reminds me to hold myself accountable and hop off my phone when I notice it affecting how I feel. Social media is highly addictive and I know it eventually makes me cranky. Seeing as I don’t want to be a cranky mom or friend, it’s important to limit my social media consumption.

I Practice Presence at Home

Even if it doesn’t feel like it, practicing presence is also an act of resistance. Modern systems like capitalism and fascism thrive on keeping us distracted. They want us overstimulated, anxious, and endlessly scrolling on our phones instead of being here and now. They want us to buy things we don’t need on Prime Day because there’s a “deal.” 

Choosing to disengage from these systems and cultivate presence instead is a quiet, yet radical act of resistance in a world that profits from our distraction. One way I practice presence in my home is by putting screens away during caretaking activities like dinnertime, bath time, and bedtime routine.

During dinner, our family discusses our rainbows of the day – 3 things that happened that day that we are grateful for. Studies show that practicing gratitude triggers the release of dopamine and serotonin, which in turn improves mood and well-being. Another game my son especially loves is “2 truths, 1 lie.” He tells us 2 true things that happened during the day and 1 lie, and we have to guess the lie – this is also a scientifically proven way to improve memory, so win win. 

During bath time, my babies have my full attention. My son and I have had some of the best conversations during bath time. Sometimes the conversations are just random, outrageous scenarios that pop into my 7 year old’s brain and other times it’s him asking some truly deep questions that leave me astounded. My baby girl just splashes around and looks cute right now, but one day we’ll have some wonderful bath convos, too.

By the time bedtime rolls around most nights, I am ready for these kids to go to bed and I really need to decompress. Still, I try to choose presence and love most nights (sometimes I fail and behave unkindly and impatiently and end up having to apologize).

I want my children to go to bed knowing they are loved beyond measure. I remind my son, especially after bad days, that there is nothing in this world he could do that would make me stop loving him. My hope is that my children will go into this world with their confidence bucket overflowing.

Choosing presence, love, and empathy in a culture that idolizes being busy and productive, pushes fearmongering, and tries its hardest to dehumanize those that are different from us is more important than we give it credit for. I remind myself of this fact when I feel like I’m not doing enough.

I Try to Balance Staying Informed & Doing What I Can Without Becoming Overwhelmed

The constant flooding of bad news is purposeful. Fascist regimes deliberately overwhelm people with fear and chaos to leave us feeling scared and hopeless. They invent threats to stoke fear (think trans athletes and immigrants). Those in power want us to feel tired, fearful, and confused because exhausted, disoriented people don’t resist. Staying awake, connected, and choosing kindness in the face of this strategy is an act of defiance in itself. 

If I tried to keep up with everything the current administration is doing, I would be stressed out in a heartbeat. Like I said earlier, being very mindful about limiting my media intake is huge for my mental health. I also try to focus on what is within my control in a world where there is so much that is not.

I choose to resist in the little ways I am able as someone with young kids. I speak out against racism and bigotry and I shop locally more often (although I still occasionally have to go to Walmart). I call my representatives (using 5 Calls), participate in the economic blackouts, and attend protests if possible.

Side note, the protests we have attended have all been extremely peaceful. In fact, I have even brought my kids with me so they can see what it looks like. We discuss what’s going on in the country and I try to explain things to them in an age-appropriate way.

We also try to incorporate teaching empathy in everyday situations. When a child is crying, I’ll ask my son “why do you think that child is upset?” If a friend treats him unkindly one day, I ask him questions like “what do you think your friend might be going through that is resulting in him behaving unkindly?” 

If my son is asking difficult questions, I believe he is ready for answers. We talk openly about things such as consent, gender pay gaps, and racial injustice. It’s important to remember that while we are privileged enough to be able to avoid a topic such as racism for a while, children of color are not.

Raising a generation of adults who are extremely emotionally intelligent is crucial to a high-functioning democracy. Democracy depends on people disagreeing without dehumanizing each other, which is what is lacking with the current administration. Knowing that I am raising my children in a way that values all humanity keeps me feeling grounded during the scary times and reaffirms that raising kind humans is a hugely important role.

Let Go of Perfection

In a world that tells mothers to “do it all,” don’t. ;) When those thoughts of “I’m not doing enough” come creeping in, take a deep breath and let that sh*t go. You’re doing a wonderful job and you ARE enough. Not allowing yourself to get sucked into the chaos and spreading vitriol is more powerful than we give it credit for. The simple acts of taking care of yourself, your family, and being kind to others are little rebellions with ripple effects.

The current timeline is freakin’ crazy and trying to raise kids when the outside world feels bonkers can feel like a Herculean task. Taking a step back and doing even just the small stuff lightens the load. Albeit morbid, sometimes it helps me to remember that we’re all going to be dead in 100 years. ;) If the only effect I leave behind me is that I made others, especially my children, feel comfortable, loved, and safe, then that’s a legacy to be proud of.

In conclusion, being a parent of young children during a highly political climate is extremely challenging. There is a LOT on our plates. We can’t change the world alone, but we can take small actions that undoubtedly ripple out into the universe. We are raising the people who will shape the future – and seeing the way my friends and family are raising their babies, even during this wild time, gives me a lot of hope. 

I’ll leave you with a mantra – say this to yourself whenever needed – “I can care deeply without carrying it all.” Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

If you're looking for more small, yet powerful ways to get involved, check out my FREE guide Raising Hell while Raising Kids. Download here.